I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
two words...techno handjob
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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