it was like having sex with a tree stump
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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