saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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