I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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