Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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