No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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