You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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