a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
