how hairy? two words: wookie tits
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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