Ambien. No doubt about it.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Floor bacon is actually really good
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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