I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
