It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
