So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize