I can tuck mytits in my pants
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
