I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
