Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
