My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize