You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i think my tv is drunk
i just google imaged poop.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
