Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize