so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
