The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
