I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
How's work?
Spinning.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
