i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
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