threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He felt like a one man threesome
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
