every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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