ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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