At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize