You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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