Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize