I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
