He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
