I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
