I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
