Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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