It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
