Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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