so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
