I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
