When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
