A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My bed smells like the plague
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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