Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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