Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
