the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
