I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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