She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
