so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Houston, we have a squirter
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
