The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
