Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
