I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
