id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She even gives head with a lisp.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
