Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
