please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
