YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize