Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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