seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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