I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
