i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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