i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
