Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he was CRYING into my vagina
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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