I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
