Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
