You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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