That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
No more Irish car bombs ever.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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