He is an equal opportunity slut.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
