a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
