i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
