when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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