i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I have already put on my inside pants.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
