Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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